Reflections on Community Rights from Rural America is a monthly column by CR activist and organizer Curt Hubatch. Curt is an unschooling father of two young children and one young adult. Currently he works as a substitute rural letter carrier for the USPS. He lives in a cordwood house that he built with his wife, family, and friends in Northwestern Wisconsin.
I’m frustrated. Mad. Ready to withdraw. Shrink within myself.
“He vomited on me”, I tell her.
“He didn’t vomit on you”, she says.
“Well, if he didn’t, what did he do then?”
“He didn’t actually vomit on you, did he?”
“No”, I admit reluctantly “What conclusion are you holding about him?”
“He was being a fucking jerk, that’s the conclusion I’m holding!” I notice my blood is starting to boil again.
“Do you see the relationship between you using the word vomit, which he actually didn’t do on you, and the conclusion that you’re holding?”, she calmly asks.
“Yes”, I answer. Long pause, “I do.”
This is the short version of a conversation between a friend and me. It happened after someone on Facebook said negative things about me as well as Paul Cienfuegos, the Community Rights teacher the Washburn County Community Rights Alliance (WCCRA) invited to give a workshop at the Chicog Town Hall on the first of June. I’d just spent most of the day coordinating with others on how we would get the word out about the event in public spaces and the internet. It’s a lot of work. Work that I do not get paid for. I’m hoping the payment will be a future for my children and humanity on this beautiful planet we live in. Yes in, not on. From where I’m looking, we’re not on it, we’re in the soul of it.
It helps to have friends who will not join in a drama with me. A guy can get down in the weeds pretty fast without having a friend to turn to for some support when I’m ready to react rather than respond intentionally and in line with my values.
After speaking with my friend I respond to the guy. I simply tell him that if he has a question about the authenticity and legitimacy of the Community Rights teacher and facilitator we invited to our community, then simply don’t make the two hour drive south to the workshop. It only took a sentence to say that. Initially, my knee jerk reaction was to write paragraph after paragraph of “pissed off.”
I’m up this morning reading The Essential Marcus Aurelius (AD 121-180). Close to 2000 years ago the Roman Emperor writes, “Whenever someone blames or hates you, or if anyone should express such sentiments, go directly to their souls, pass into them, and see who they really are. You will then see that you do not have to trouble yourself about what such people may think of you. However, you must be kind to them, for they too are your natural friends.”
I’m ready to contact my friend again. I can see the relationship between our recent conversation about the Facebook guy and what the wise Roman Emperor said shortly after the Romans hung Christ on the cross. I’m excited. I’m learning that kindness is lasting even when others try to derail you with their own commitments to whatever. I text her the Aurelias quote and point out the relationship. Her response, “When the student is ready the teacher shows up.”
Two days later the guy responds to another Facebook post of mine. His last sentence in his response reads, “Keep up the good work.”
It’s pretty funny. It seems like my not getting into the weeds with him gave him the elbow room to remember who he really is (not his judgments), and here I thought I was being kind. On second thought, maybe remembering who he really is and who I really am (not my closely held thoughts, beliefs, opinions and judgments) is actually a kindness. So, a little bit of kindness went a long way, I’d say.
(This column was published in our current newsletter. You can read the rest of our newsletter HERE.)